THR Science: Ranking Touring Candy

So that you know, we’re not going to bury the lede (which is Butterfingers rule them all—but you knew that).

On the heels of our groundbreaking crushed-chips data dump, we’ve returned to the gastronomical lab. While some ski/ride tourists may see crushed chips as the “who would do that?” end of the tourable food spectrum, candy is often the universal language of satisfying calorie needs on the go. If you think we are deviating from normal THR programming, we assure you we are not. Candy, some of it more nutritious than others, is a touring staple. It can help replenish calories. (Toberlone, anyone?) It can soothe and moisten a parched mouth/tongue. (Sour apple Jolly Ranchers, anyone?) Or, bring on a delightful conversation, days into a multi-day tour, long after you’ve run out of topics to discuss: Red Vines vs. Twizzlers? But we all know which twisted red sugar stick wins, or helps you bring on a good old-fashioned sugar high.

So, while candy has downsides, we’ll brush aside most of this food group’s negative attributes. We will, however, give you this piece of advice. If you are eating lots of candy on a backcountry touring adventure, especially if it is an overnighter, take the following precautions, otherwise known as healthy habits.  

• Bring along a small toothbrush. Alpinists are known to saw off most of a toothbrush handle. So do that if you are concerned about gram counting.
• Bring a small tube of toothpaste.
• Dab paste on the brush after eating the candy, and scrub your teeth.
• To be semi-health/hygiene conscious, we also include a cost/dental filling breakdown in typical backcountry ski/ride touring states/provinces; see the last table.

Here’s the data overview.

Much like the piece we ran on chips, we’ve organized and ranked the data with different end goals. We wanted to determine the most calories/gram, the most cost-effective candy (grams/$), and the most nutritious candy, with the premise that the more sugar/candy, the less nutritious it is.

Disclaimer: It is understood that tastes vary. One person’s favorite, say Candy Corn (we know you are out there), is another person’s gag reflex.

Here’s some starter data.

Next, we rank by calories/gram. Evidently, the Swiss and the Slovaks can now take credit for producing the winner: Toblerone. Sadly, Butterfinger nears the tail of the chocolate bar candies. That surprised the lead in our Department of Thin Air. But still, Hershey’s with Almonds doesn’t quite nail the landing like Butterfinger in the satisfy-me department, but it holds its own. And how about those Sour Patch Kids? (Also a touring staple.) They kinda nail it in the more sugary candy territory.

See below, too. OMG, Red Vines with a bit more calories/g than Twizzlers. And Snickers, a staple for many of us…who would have thought? Fewer calories/g than a straight-laced Hershey Bar. And Warheads lose out to SPKs!

For those more interested in the piggy bank, this data set is for you. Honestly, the value of Candy Corn… we are not seeing it. And for the more chocolaty bars, score another one for Butterfinger. And what’s in Warheads that makes them so $$$?

For Butterfinger folks, this next set is for you. Hell yeah, we knew Butterfinger would land on the podium’s top step. Who knew Butterfinger was good for you?

Trigger warning for those who only shop at the bring-your-own Ball Jar bulk section of the local Co-op’s health-food section: the following is a candy ranking from least to most junky.

And because we know you spend money on things other than gear, and you may eat candy, here’s a breakdown of cost/dental filling in common ski/ride touring states.